River Creek Social News

Mr. & Mrs. James Etmon are proud to finally announce the engagement of their daughter, Judy, to Joseph Jones, son of the late Mr. & Mrs. Pete Jones. The happy date and time is June 22 at 3:00 P.M. Judy and Joseph have resided together in the same address for the past twenty-five years, causing great distress to both sets of parents. The happy couple report that they're marrying for the children's sake, especially Jane, who marries Bill Campbell on 4:00 P.M. of the same day.

Jay Hagman reports that his cat, Timmy, is missing. Said cat is reported very friendly. Jay says the cat is of the common tabby variety, with an orange and white coat. However, unlike most cats in this village, this cat has only four legs. Jay suspects an abduction by a stranger in this town, name of Fox Mulder, whose presence is not entirely explained. He is widely suspected to be a secret government agent for a secret government agency. He has been overheard on The Pay Phone, talking with someone named Scully. Be on the lookout for Mr. Mulder and Timmy, who may or may not be seen in each other's company.

The River Creek Daughters of the American Revolution report that the entrance requirements for their organization have been changed. Because of a lack of members, Diane Smith and Joanne Long being the only two, they are now considering ladies who can prove that they were part of the Flower Power Revolution, the Computer Revolution, or the Women's Bowling Association. Maybe even the Men's Bowling Association.

In a linking story with the story above, Barnabus George Bixby, owner of BGB Bowling, reports that Josie Carnegie, three-year-old daughter of Cathy and Ira Carnegie, bowled a three hundred game in the BGB Toddler League. Mr. Bixby is submitting the game on Josie's behalf to the Woman's Bowling Association. He's unsure whether the game will be allowed, since the rules don't say anything about bumper bowling. Miss Carnegie, when interviewed, seemed singularly unimpressed by her feat. In fact, she demanded of this reporter a dollar for a bowl of ice cream, which, after permission of her proud parents, this reporter obliged. It was an honor to treat this athlete.

A Mr. Elvis Presley of Memphis, TN, is visiting resident John Black of Erie street. All who see the pair agree that it's amazing how much they look alike. In fact, it's almost impossible to tell the two apart, except for the fact that John wears dirty overalls, and Mr. Presley has not yet been seen in anything but sequined jumpers. The pair may be viewed almost every night at Mavis Beabers' Bar, Grille, and Newsstand.

The Lions/Elks/Moose/Eagles Club is sponsoring a football roll the next Good Friday. The footballs are replacing the eggs use last year, when it was determined that eggs were too messy. This reporter can attest to that, having stepped in a six-month-old egg last year.

Mayor Summers, owner and operator of Summer's Bank and owner of Summer's Folly, reports another record loss in this quarter at the bank. He is said to be quite discouraged about the whole thing. We suggest that perhaps if he hired a qualified accountant rather than depending on his ten-year-old son, who, while bright, has been noted playing Doom on the bank's computer, that perhaps Mr. Summers will make a profit next quarter.

Copyright by Lorraine Anderson, 1996-1998