River Creek--The River Creek Village Council met at Mavis Beaber's Bar, Grille, and Newstand last Wednesday. The first order of business was an inquiry by Mayor Daniel Summers on the status of the River Creek Council Building, which is still in a state of repair. (In this reporter's opinion, calling that disaster a "state of repair" is being kind.) It seems that the Silly Putty is sticking far better than advertised, and the carpenter is having a hard time pulling the temporary blocks out in order to return them to the children of River Creek. The carpenter said that his best chisel was cracked in the effort and had to be replaced at great expense from Johnson's Lumber Store. Rafe Johnson objected, saying that the tool certainly was not at geat expense, it was just at his low, low prices. The Carpenter objected, saying "was so!" Rafe said, "Was Not!" A crowd of "was so"s and "was not"s wafted across the restaurant until supressed by Police/Fire Chief Samuel Andrews with a grab of both men's arms and escorting them out of the restaurant. One could hear them occassionally throughout the rest of the evening.
First on the agenda was the Republican's Contract With America. Both Councilman Lazarus Nelson and Councilman Hiram Weatherall agreed that by God, they didn't sign any contract! Weatherall added that he doesn't sign any contract without reading it first, and he certainly didn't see any such document cross his desk!
Mayor Summers said that, nevertheless, someone must have signed some contract, otherwise how would it get on the agenda?
Councilwoman Joanne Long blushed, saying that she put it there as a joke, and it was supposed to be removed before the meeting. She admitted that she didn't know anything about it, herself. Nonetheless, if the Council felt so strongly about it, maybe they should discuss it...
Councilwoman LaKiesha Andrews interrupted at this point. She had been shaking her head all through the discussion with an incredulous look on her face. She explained the the Republican Contract With America was not an actual paper contract, but something the electorate voted for when they elected Republicans into office. Hiram Weatherall said he certainly didn't remember such a thing being on the ballot, but he didn't look at the paper ballot all that closely 'cause he voted Republican straight across... always have, always will. Lazarus Nelson said he voted mostly Democrat, so he didn't look, either. Joanne Long said that she didn't vote. Mayor Summers said that he usually tried to vote so he could form an "X" across the ballot with his check marks. LaKiesha Andrews sighed.
Mayor Summers determined this topic, therefore, to be unresolved until a committee could be formed to study this contract.
In other agenda items, Citizen Diane Smith asked, quite loudly, since when did it become legal to make a U-turn downtown? She noted that the downtown area sometimes made her dizzy, watching all of the U-turns being made. Mayor Daniel Summers noted that it was still illegal, and asked Chief Andrews for an explanation. Chief Andrews stated that since he was the only police force in town, he only worked eight to ten hours a day, and quite a number of those hours was taken up by filling out forms and getting cats out of trees. Therefore, he couldn't watch the downtown area as well as he could. He suggested that if citizens see other citizens making U-Turns, they should make a note of the license number and report them to him. Mayor Summers was shocked, as this would involve the sin of tattling, and "I, and I'm sure a number of persons in this room, have never tattled in their lives." Chief Andrews then sighed and said that well, he'd do his best to catch offenders.
This being said, a number of people looked at their watches and noted quite loudly that if the meeting was going no farther, the new Danielle Steele movie was on, and could they wrap this up? Under crowd pressue, Mayor Summers capitulated and the meeting ended.