River Creek--A River Creek High School student was suspended yesterday for wearing a Michigan State Sweatshirt to school.  It seems that Mark Gold, High School principal, is a University of Michigan fan, and he was offended by Tad Lutz's form of dress.  Young Lutz, who also wears tight blonde braids, a Star of David, and a nose ring, was reportedly mystified by the decision.  After word got around the village, angry parents stormed the principal's office, claiming he trod on young Lutz's right of free speech.  Young Lutz attended school today, but Principal Gold is reportedly still mystified at what he did wrong.

     In a never-ending effort to improve the game of bowling, Barnabas Bixby, owner of BGB Bowling Lanes, is going to offer an added inducement for attendance of his leagues -- strippers,  and not the the kind that take the oil off the alleys.  He will offer female strippers for the male leagues, male strippers for the female leagues, and hermaphrodite strippers for mixed leagues.  He says that due to the added expense, fees may go up.

     Rev. Robert April reports that the local Witch's Coven # 152 will be sharing The Church for services until such time as the Community Hall is repaired.  (This organization is separate from the practitioners of Wicca... these ladies are true sorcerers, although not Devil Worshippers... Rev. April says he can only bend so far.)  He reports that Church goers are welcome to stay afterward and join the Witch's service, and Vice Versa.

     Joe Davis, Village Engineering Dept., reports that something has been pushing the Decorative Brickwork up in the Downtown Area.  He thinks that the problem may lie with Sandworms in the sand base below the bricks.  When told that there was no such things as Sandworms, at least in Michigan, he speculated that possibly it may be a very large and very strange gopher.  He also acknowledged that natural settling of the bricks may be a factor.

     The rumor around town is that the Stockholder's Report at the Stockholder's Meeting of March Industries was so dull that all participants fell asleep and didn't wake up for a solid day.  Joseph March, Jr., claims that this is uneqivacably not true.  This reporter noted that he made this claim while brushing cobwebs off of the shoulder of his natty red suit.  The reader may make his/her own conclusions.

     There was also a rumor the the Summers Bank and Trust ran out of dollar bills the other day and had to make do with pennies.  This may account for the large number of pennies seen lately in the local economy.

     Samuel Andrews, Police Chief, caught Diane Smith, local businesswoman  and owner of Smith's Hardware Store,  taking one of her stock hammers to her business telephone.  She explained that  she was tired of telemarketers calling her at work and disrupting her day, and since she couldn't get at the people directly, this seemed like a good alternative.  Chief Andrews sympathised, but warned her she was disturbing the neighbors.  She desisted, but warned that any further communications to her store would either have to be in person, or, as an alternative, she was setting up a telegraph machine on the front counter.   We at the River Creek Trickle wish her luck, but we have no dojubt that the telemarketers also know Morse Code.

     We understand that the River Creek fund has increased by another dime.  Ava James, Village Treasurer, found a dime on the street.  Shame to the person who made the involuntary donation!