by Lorraine Anderson

River Creek--A good deal of excitement was generated by the River Creek Village Council last evening, when Councilwoman LaKiesha Andrews proceeded to have her baby in the middle of Mavis Beaber's Bar, Grille, and Newsstand dining room.  Dr. Jacob Joseph, the only doctor in town at the time, reports that her labor was the shortest he's ever seen in his fifty years of Veterinary medicine, short of rabbits.  LaKiesha Andrews didn't seem to take this comment with good grace, but it was noted that she was in the middle of a contraction at the time.

     The happy event turned out to be a bouncing baby boy, and, when weighed on Mavis' meat scale, was 7 pounds, 11 ounces.  The boy let out a lusty yell, a performance which was appreciated by all present.  LaKeisha Andrews raised the plaintive objection that she wished that her baby's birth hadn't been such a public event... a sheet separating her from the rest of the room would have been nice.  Her objection was overruled by Mayor Summers, who said the whole experience had been educational.  LaKiesha Andrews responded with a "you bet," and a number of other terms that were highly educational.  The general consensus of the room was that she wasn't herself, having just given birth.

     A lively discussion was then held between the Council and the audience on what to name the baby.  Councilman Weatherall suggested "Hiram."  Councilman Nelson suggested "Lazarus."  Paul Travis, owner of Travis Landfill, suggested Paul, citing that it was a great religious name.  Or Travis, citing that it was a great Texan name.  Councilwoman Joanne Long objected to this suggestion, observing that we were in  Michigan, not Texas; therefore Soapy Williams Andrews would be a great name.

     At this point, the crowd broke out in a loud discussion which was heard a mile away.  A number of people were quite opinionated about what to name Councilman Andrews' baby.

     Chief Samuel Andrews, who had heretofore been stretched out on the floor... he had fainted... woke up and suppressed the crowd by letting loose a mighty roar, after which the crowd sat back, stunned.  He informed the crowd that while they had not yet selected a name, the new parents would give the matter due consideration and would inform the Village at the time of the next Village Council meeting.

     The crowd, thus subdued, allowed the Council to get on with the rest of the evening's business.  The ambulance arrived a short time later to take Chief and Councilman Andrews and family  to the River Creek Area Hospital.  The new mother is presently ensconced in Room Number 2.

     Mayor Summers observed that the rest of the evening was less likely to be exciting, a comment generally agreed on by the rest of the Council.  In this reporter's opinion, the fact that they agreed on anything was exciting in itself.

     In related news: It was reported that one of the chickens at the River Creek Zoo had laid an egg.  J.J. Anders, donor of the chicken, became quite excited at this, as he thought the chickens were quite past their prime.  Mayor Summers had to inform him  that, no, he couldn't take the chicken back.  He added that Mother and Egg were doing quite fine.

     Councilman Nelson added that salmon were now spawning in the pothole in front of his house, and that if anybody wanted a salmon dinner, they had better hurry.  Joe James Anders, proprietor of J.J. Anders General Store, yelled that he would be right up, and asked Diane Smith of Smith Hardware store whether she had extra freezers in stock.  Mayor Summers, with a sigh, reported the last comments out of order.

     Ava James, Village Clerk, noted that the village nest egg had substantially increased in the past couple of days.  She had found a Susan B. Anthony dollar under one leg of her disk, and an Eisenhower dollar under one edge of her rug.  She was instructed by the Council to invest this windfall in the Michigan State Lottery, the odds there being as good as any other investment in town. 

     Mavis' special for the night was green eggs and ham, on honor of Councilwoman Andrews.  Supper was delicious.