River Creek -- The semi-monthly meeting of the River Creek School Board was held last Friday in the River Creek School Gymnasium. The last semi-monthly meeting was canceled due to lack of attendance, including that of the School Board. Shame, shame, shame! It is this reporter's opinion that the rerun of the Dallas episode "Who Shot J.R.?", followed by the "Gilligan's Island" marathon was no excuse to miss the meeting. My excuse was that I was reviewing the above for the "River Creek Trickle." (See page 2.)
Be that as it may, on the agenda was a review of the Transportation fleet and a review of the next year curriculum. Also reviewed was the Disney (tm) Corporation movie "Donald Duck in Mathmagic Land."(tm)
Attending this exciting event was Board President LaKiesha Andrews and Board Members Ann Jacobs, Barnabus Bixby, Daniel Summers, and Vlad Tepes. The first Board action was to send out for coffee. (Vlad Tepes, due to his unique vampiric condition, had a Bloody Mary.) After this decisive move, the Board got down to business.
The first order of business was the report of Lakiesha Andrews on the name of their new baby, born last week at the River Creek Village Council Meeting. She noted that the new baby is named Denzel Tevon Andrews. We here at the River Creek Trickle hope that young Denzel will take after his fine parents.
The second order of business was the report on the Transportation fleet. Vlad Tepes took himself out of this discussion, noting that his son flew to school before dawn each morning, and Mr. Tepes picked him up in a special car in the afternoon. LaKiesha Andrews granted him this, but noted that the school district should have something safer to transport children to school than the back of a flat back truck. Her opinion was that perhaps an actual school bus with seats would be safer, if not warmer. Barnabus Bixby actively endorsed this idea with a "Hurrah", while Ann Jacobs noted that the flatbed truck had been used for fifty years, therefore it was a tradition, and we shouldn't flout tradition. The general tenor of the audience was that we should keep the flatbed. LaKiesha Andrews gave up with a sigh.
Next, the curriculum was discussed. LaKiesha Andrews noted that perhaps the plan to present Differential Calculus to the Fifth Graders was "perhaps too advanced an idea at this time." She also thought that perhaps the required reading of "Les Miserables" for Second Graders would overwhelm the tots. She did, however, grant that the abridged version of "Les Miserable," titled "Jean Valjean and Cosette Go To Paris," would be acceptable. Also, the book "Jolly Captain Ahab meets the Big White Whale" could be introduced in lieu of "Moby Dick." In this reporter's opinion, the former is far superior to the latter.
Next, the Board watched "Donald Duck in MathMagic Land." (tm) All agreed that it was very educational, and all agreed that the section in the middle about figuring out billiards shots was extremely confusing and they don't blame Donald Duck (tm) for not understanding it. Pastor Robert April objected to the film on the grounds that a) the film deals with pool, which starts with P, which rhymes with T, which stands for trouble, and b) the Pythagoreans use a Pentogram to identify themselves, which was, but he wasn't sure, also a symbol of the Darker Elements. At this point, Mr. Tepes growled something about what was wrong with the Darker Elements and started up after Pastor April, who pulled out his cross, yelling "present company excepted!" This effectively brought the meeting to a halt, as all parties recover from the resultant fight. Pastor April also wishes to apologize to all offended parties for his statement, but notes that Church policies don't seem to cover the unique nature of River Creek. All we can say is "Amen."