RIVER CREEK--There was an accidental Village Council meeting at Mavis Beaber's Bar, Grille, and Newsstand last night at approximately 7:15 when all members of the Council found themselves having dinner at the same time. It being convenient, they decided to have a meeting.
Some objection was raised from the audience. Some objected that this violated the Michigan Meetings act, to which Councilman Lazarus Nelson replied that since half the town was there anyway, he couldn't see how anyone could construe this as a private meeting. Mayor Daniel Summers ruled that if any members of the audience wished to phone any other interested parties, they may... and besides, he wanted to finish his chicken tetrazinni. A few took advantage of this grace period to phone their neighbors; meanwhile, Councilwoman LaKiesha Andrews ordered desert... Chocolate Mousse, I believe. Must be storing up energy to feed that new baby of theirs.
Other objections raised by the audience involved something about the impromptu meeting ruining their appetites while they were eating. Mavis reassured the crowd that her supply of airsick bags was more than adequate. Councilman Hiram Weatherall took umbrage, but the audience sensibly ignored him, since once again, Mr. Weatherall was two sheets to the wind. (It seems Mrs. Weatherall is off visiting a sister, and Hiram took this golden opportunity to be lonely, and moreover, inform the village of it by drowning his sorrows.)
When the meeting was finally started... around 7:40, that being determined enough time to allow everone to get there, including Vlad Tepes, being after sunset. Some time was spent arguing about the agenda, being as no-one brought an agenda.
Lazarus Nelson reported that the pothole in front of his house was no longer producing fish, and, moreover, there seemed to be something long and slinky and scaley swimming around in the hole. He claimed to have the problem under control by having his oldest son, Nelson, perch on the side of the hole with a shotgun. Nelson Nelson muttered about this time, something surly that this reporter couldn't catch, but seeming to be something about Nessie not being dangerous. A stranger in town... a Mr. Trout, I believe... objected to violence being perpetrated on an endangered species. Mayor Summers, his mouth full of Cherry Pie, disallowed this suggestion from the minutes, the man not being a Village resident, or, for that matter, looking like somebody he wanted as a neighbor.
Discussion was made on forbidding the train from blowing its whistle in town. All agreed that it was a good idea in theory. Joe James Anders, owner of Anders General Store, pointed out that whenever a train came in the back of his store, he had to literally drop what he was doing to hold his ears. He said he dropped three eggs today because of the particularly loud three toned whistle. Councilman Hiram Weatherall slurred that maybe it was J.J.'s particularly strong coffee he keeps in the back of his store, and, by the way, Mavis, he would like some. Mayor Summers ordered coffee for the entire Council, except Councilwoman Andrews, who is abstaining on account of the baby.
LaKiesha Andrews pointed out that since the village was only one mile approximate in any direction, and the train whistle seems to carry for two miles, she didn't think it would make a whole lot of difference Whether they could get the train to stop blowing its whistle. Besides, she pointed out that having the train blow its whistle saved on car train accidents. Lazarus Nelson volunteered his boy Nelson to keep watch of the railroad crossings and warn cars whether a train was coming. LaKiesha Andrews muttered something about all crossings at once?!, then pointed out that his boy would be mighty tired, with school and watching the pothole and all. Lazarus Nelson said that the Council could recruit volunteers for all of the crossings. LaKiesha Andrews said that maybe she would contact the train company. first.
This being decided, and all Council members being finished with supper, the meeting adjourned to Mavis' front counter so that all could pay their respective bills.